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I am well aware there is a movement going on against psychotropic medication - i.e. medication used to alleviate the symptoms of psychiatric conditions such as bipolar disorder.  I understand where those people are  coming from.  Frankly I am not particularly enamoured of pharmaceutical companies and the thought of having to take medication for the rest of my life doesn't thrill me either.  And yet ...

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I re-read the chapter entitled 'Communication' in my e-book 'Conversations with Batty (my bi-polar disorder) - how talking to myself kept me sane'.  I thought you might like to read it too. As always Batty speaks in italics and those conversations were written as they came to me, without any censure or post-editing:

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What is the matter with me? I mean, apart from my usual mild madness ...  The minute I know I have something to do at a particular time I feel stressed.  It doesn't matter that it is something ridiculously easy, I still feel stressed.

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People who know me (doctors and friends alike) and deal with or are affected by deep depression and/or Bi-Polar Disorder often pay me a huge compliment.  They say that I manage my condition in a highly intelligent way. I always respond with humble appreciation and yet I know they are wrong.

The truth is: I don't manage my illness/condition.  I let it manage me.

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Today I feel 'normal'.  In other words I don't feel there is anything wrong with me.  My brain and my body are functioning as I would expect them to.  This feeling is intoxicating.

It is even dangerous because these are the days when I am tempted to get off my medication even if I know only too well that I am feeling the way I am BECAUSE I take the meds.

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My Bi-Polar Disorder LOVES to play tricks on me!  Just when I think I am doing really well, WHACK: my body stops functioning and my brain follows suit. The most annoying aspect of this recurring situation is that it happens even when I am 'medically stable' - i.e. on a cocktail of *drugs that are working well for me.

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I haven't written for a long time.  There are three reasons for this long silence of mine and - highly unusually for me - they have little to do with my state of health. I am pretty chuffed about that!

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A horrible thought came to me in a flash while I was in between sleep and awakeness one morning: what if I was attached to my bipolar disorder [BPD]? The horrible part of it was not so much the physical attachment (i.e. the fact that my biology is such that BPD is a life-lomg condition for me) but rather the psychological side of it (i.e. the fact that I might in some way be clinging to my BPD). I wish it had but that thought would NOT go away...

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Like all people who live in Bi-Polar Land (i.e. all of us who have Bipolar Disorder Type 1 or Type 2), sleep is very important to maintaing our stability. Because of this I read with interest anything I come across that 'sleep specialists' write about getting a good night sleep. I wish I didn't....

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