About Cycles

I am feeling a bit better.  It looks like I have survived one of my most difficult and regular cycles: my yearly one. January and February are NOT good months for me.  I have tried EVERYTHING you can think of (SAD Light, vitamins, etc, etc) and nothing seems to make one iota of difference.

The most effective way I have found of dealing with my yearly onslaught is to give in to it. This is NOT easy.

As I was reflecting on this, I went back to one of the chapters I wrote in my book 'Conversations with Batty - How Talking To Myself Kept Me Sane.  I reproduce this chapter entitled About Cycles here.

As always, Batty (my bipolar disorder) speaks in italics and - as you will see - our relationship isn't always plain sailing....

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I’d like to talk about cycles now – not the kind people ride on the road but the kind of rhythms that come with you.

Go ahead.

Why do you have cycles?

Why do you breathe?

Because I have to – I was born that way.

Did you ever think that you would start breathing because it was a good idea? Did you at any time CHOOSE to breathe?

No – of course not. This is the way I am made.

Well, it’s the same for me – I was made that way.  Rapid cycles, daily cycles, monthly cycles, yearly cycles, all my cycles are part of the way I am made. I have no choice in the matter.

OK. I see. What should I do to manage your cycles better? In a way, I am reluctant to give into them too much and yet I know that fighting them is useless. I am worried that by expecting my yearly cycle for example I might make it happen.

What do you do when you want to go out and the weather forecast on the TV tells you that rain is likely to come?

I take an umbrella.

Exactly. You don’t wait for the rain to soak you before you take your umbrella – you have been given valuable information that enables you to take appropriate action. It’s the same with my yearly cycle.

Yes but it’s not that simple.

Yes it is! You KNOW that I tend to feel heavier for you in January, February and March so all you have to do is  plan for a lighter load during this time of the year. The only thing that makes it more complicated is your ridiculous sense of guilt! You don’t feel guilty about the weather so stop feeling guilty about me and the way I am.

I guess I am afraid that planning for a ‘heavier’ time might be creating a heavier time.

So what’s the alternative? Blindingly ignoring all that your body has been telling you for the past few years? You never planned for a lighter load before and has it helped you? Hell no! It’s made you feel even more guilty because you took on too many commitments at that time of the year that you then struggled to meet. For God’s sake: wise up!

There’s no need to yell at me…..

I am sorry but there are times where I could cheerfully shake some sense into you.

I don’t have 360° vision you know. It’s really hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes and you don’t make things any easier for me by making my brain feel like it’s stuffed with cotton wool.

Oh come on…. I don’t do that all the time nowadays so don’t use that as a valid reason for your being a muppet. It may be an explanation some days but it is not an excuse.

I am not talking to you anymore.

Suits me.

you

are wonderful at keeping me sober..i only need a voice to harken to/ you are the lighthouse and the foghorns sounding like its going to rip out of its bracing's and fly through the air,screaming like a banshee, perefity(?)ciao bella/ i will follow as close as possible

Thank you Robert

Hello my Bi-Polar Land Poet! I recognise you voice and I thank you for your lovely comment   :D

G xxxx

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I really enjoyed this post.

I really enjoyed this post. I am going thru daily cycles myself right now. It's good that I'm not the only one with a voice that tries to make me see logic. Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you Cha-Cha

What a super comment!  I am thrilled to bits to hear from you and I wish you all the best with your own cycles.

Gabrielle xx

Knowing I'm not the only one...

BPG, I must first say how awesome your site and blog is! I have been stumbling around for 4 yrs (since my diagnoses) trying to find answers and solutions. It is truly a relief to read about others experiences (and to know just how EXACTLY it describes my own experience and emotions).

Thank you and I look forward to following you...

Thank you Mariposa

I am glad you like my blog - your comment means A LOT to me because such responses help ME feel I am not alone either  :D xx

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Nice roller coaster i like the picture :P

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Thank you Jeff

The cartoons on this site are drawn by my son Greg who also suffers from Bipolar Disorder II. He is a talented musician/singer-song writer as well as cartoonist/artist.

If you are interested, have a  look at his Facebook Page  http://www.facebook.com/gregblackmanmusic

You might find a few minutes of pure enjoyment  :D

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