The Art of Riding Low

It is now two months since I started my new medication (Carbamazepine - aka Tegretol). In a bid to find some sort of bearable balance, I have played with increased dosages and decreased dosages. I have taken the medication in higher dose in the evening and lower dose in the morning. I have stopped taking it altogether in the morning and taken the whole daily dose at night. I am so all over the place that I am not even sure whether I am going up and down any more!

Today I am feeling in a 'low mood'. If I try to define what I mean by that, this is what comes to mind:

  • I feel tearful
  • I feel irritated
  • I feel royally fed-up
  • I feel numb
  • I feel tired.

That sounds like depression to me. It feels like depression too. 

So what now? I don't want to write about depression AGAIN. I want to write about....... mastering the art of Riding Low.

If I am totally honest here, there is a certain pleasure to be felt from feeling like this because it is not the deep dark destructive depression I have known. Compared to that, this is a walk in the park and I know I can handle it. And of course it is not the other side of the coin either: no agitation, no hypo-mania. All is quiet on the western front - and on the eastern front too.

This Riding Low stuff is pretty restful. There is no torment to it. It is a bit dull and a bit bland but at least it isn't screaming at me from all sides.

I wonder to what extent we Bi-Polar People get 'addicted' to the violence of our condition, as if we had lived in the eye of the storm for so long that we can't stand it when the wind and the rain aren't constantly beating against our windows. Being people of extremes, we have to re-learn to appreciate the middle ground. Knowing only burning reds and drowning blacks, we are unable to see pastel shades and feel blind instead.

As I am writing this, I am becoming aware that I am feeling better... about the way I feel. You know what I mean by that: nothing has changed and yet everything is different. This is the miracle of being with myself for a while instead of focusing my energy on wanting out: out of my skin, out of my feelings, out of who I am right now.

  • So what if I feel tearful?  I am not sobbing my heart out.
  • So what if I feel irritated?  I am not feeling aggressive.
  • So what if I feel royally fed-up?  I am not feeling suicidal.
  • So what if I feel numb?  I am not feeling disconnected.
  • So what if I feel tired?  I am not feeling exhausted.

So what if I am experiencing a gentle bout of depression? I am not being sucked into the black hole of excruciating torment that is deep depression.

What the hell am I complaining about! Just because I am not riding my bi-polar roller coaster like some demented banshee does not mean I am not fully me, fully alive in this real moment.

There is definitely an art to Riding Low because I am in charge here. When the ride is too high I lose control and the ride rides me. When I ride low, I ride the ride.

Hmm... you know what? I am The Low Rider baby and I like it :D 

Art of Riding Low

Way to go..... love it and live it these days myself BUT I do ask is that because we are more mature. Not likely to have been this graceful when I was 20, 30 or even 40 years of age. BUT - hang on a minute...... I was NOT diagnosed during those years. Bloody unbelievable that at the age of 42 I was STILL being misdiagnosed by the professionals...... sigh.

Thank you Donne

I am right there with you regarding the 'wisdom' bit - my own acceptance ability is indeed a reflection of my advanced years! I was so impatient when I was younger (and I still catch myself being it sometimes)!

Ref your lack of diagnosis for years, I am (unfortunately) not surprised, especially if you have Bi-Polar Two. I just hope that things will improve for you now that you have been properly diagnosed. My very best wishes go with you and I look forward to your excellent comments on my Facebook Page :D 

Gameguardiam

Game Guardian is an amazing game hack/alteration tool. Game guardian helps you modify money, HP, Sp and more aspects of the game.
game guardian apk

Bipolar girl is the human of

Bipolar girl is the human of the significant and amazing tinge. It is enduring and tendency of the times. It is offered and admired. The superіorpaper wrіtіng servіces skills and abilities of the man are now tested with the nature of the girl and lady. It is the satisfied life.

i am interestingly here. I

i am interestingly here. I discovered this board and I in discovering It genuinely supportive and it helped me out a great deal. I plan to present something back and help other people, for example, you helped me. General

Uber Signin

Uber Technologies Inc. is an American worldwide online transportation network company headquartered in San Francisco, California.

Thank you for your post

A debt of gratitude is in

A debt of gratitude is in order for your understanding for your fabulous posting. I"m happy I have set aside an ideal opportunity to see this. food

Im no master, however I trust

Im no master, however I trust you simply made a great point. You surely completely comprehend what youre talking about, and I can really get behind that. Carpets

RAMESH

Uber Technologies Inc. is an American worldwide online transportation network company headquartered in San

Your music is astounding. You

Your music is astounding. You have some extremely skilled craftsmen. I wish you the best of accomplishment. Travel Resources Online

Much obliged you all that

Much obliged you all that much to share these connections. Will look at this.. Science

LALITBHAI

ted banshee does not mean I am not fully me, fully alive in this real moment.
There is definitely an art to Riding Low because I am in charge here. When the ride is too high I lose control and t you tv player

lala

ted banshee does not mean I am not fully me, fully alive in this real moment.
There is definitely an art to Riding Low because I am in charge here. android game guardian

lala

RAMESH

Nice Collection

superb collection of iquoteshindi check it out here we are sharing all details online here. statushindi.com

MY Boy

There has to be an easy method you are able to remove me from that service? Kudos!
my boy apk

fly gps

An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I think that you ought to publish more on this subject matter.
Fly Gps Apk

Amazing and extremely

Amazing and extremely energizing site. Affection to watch. Continue Rocking. Green tech

Check Online

All details check it out online from here.
find out from here we are sharing details online.

THE collection of the most

THE collection of the most extraordinary people on this earth. (In these cynical times, I also feel the need to say that none of them pay me referral fees so my enthusiasm for their coaching talent is entirely genuine and disinterested. https://www.yttomp3.org/

just a minute topics

just a minute topics is a process where the candidate has to speak on the instantly given topic for a minute. This is where the candidate will be tested jam topics

This is such an extraordinary

This is such an extraordinary asset, to the point that you are giving and you give it away for nothing. I adore seeing sites that comprehend the benefit of giving a quality asset to free. It is the old what circumvents comes around schedule. Educational Departments

I truly cherished perusing

I truly cherished perusing your web journal. It was extremely all around created and straightforward. Not at all like different websites I have perused which are truly not that good.Thanks alot! Business law

Hi I am so charmed I found

Hi I am so charmed I found your online journal, I truly found you by error, while I was watching on google for something else, Anyways I am here now and could simply get a kick out of the chance to say thank for a huge post and an inside and out enlivening site. Kindly do keep up the considerable worK.diet plan

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.