My brain has ben functioning well these past two days and I love it. It feels wonderful to be able to plan and executive simple tasks.
I am not talking about anything particularly fantastic - just every day 'things' such as:
You know, just stuff like that. I must say that I really enjoy it when I feel 'normal'.
Having waxed lyrical about my brain's performance, I am immediately brought down to earth by my body. IT is not performing that well. Just when my gut and my head give me a break, my back takes over. It never ceases to amaze me how ageing back pain is! As I walk about half-bent forward, in half-size steps, wincing with every move, I feel like an octogenarian.
My Mum - who is herself a spritely 82 year old - keeps reminding me that I must factor ageing in my recovery. I KNOW she is right but I don't FEEL it. I have never been one for hankering after my youth because, to be honest, I didn't like being young very much. Frankly, I found it to be a pain in the a***!
I liked my forties - in my mind I still see myself as I used to look during my fourth decade. When I look in the mirror, or worse when I catch sight of myself in a shop window, or worse still when I see myself on photos, I have a shock!
I liked my forties because they felt like a time of youth with maturity and power. When I think about getting older, I am very happy to contemplate being in my eighties or beyond. They feel to me like a time of age with wisdom and influence. In the same way as I didn't much enjoy the mental aspect of my youth, I can't say that I am enjoying the physical aspect of middle age, with its spread made worse by medication. I feel heavy and cumbersome. I AM heavy and cumbersome. I huff and puff like an old steam engine and my back is burning like a furnace. This combination might work for a locomotive but it sure as hell doesn't work for me.
Now that my little chuff-chuff of a brain seems to be back on its rails, my back feels like I've been run over by a train. Typical eh? Never mind, I'll just have to keep on blowing off steam until ...... until ....... until I run out of steam :0)