Drama Queen: Cursed or Chosen?

There have been times when I have felt like the long line of bi-polar disorders in my family was some sort of curse. In my darker moments, I have thought of my great-uncle, my grand-mother, my aunt and my father, all of whom preceded me in the manic depression territory, as carrying a heavy legacy. It's a definite possibility when you know that ALL of them were from the same side of my father's family, and I don't even know who else was affected in preceded generations. Even my great-uncle was not diagnosed as a manic depressive at the time he was alive - all that was ever said was that he had done a couple of stints in the local nut house. In those days (the 1920s), mental illness and insanity were treated as one and the same. On came the straight jacket and a dose of whatever could knock you out as quickly as possible for as long as possible... More recently I remember seeing my father so doped out that his features resembled those of a dead person: totally limp. So I am cursed - not a very helpful thought to hold, even if just fleetingly!

The other side of that kind of thinking coin is that we may be chosen people. You know how it goes: bi-polar is associated with genius and all that equally unhelpful nonsense. So I am chosen - it remains to be ascertained by whom and for what purpose but let's assume that for a moment. After all, there are always two sides to any coin and if we can be special enough to be targeted for a curse, there's no reason why we could not be just as targeted for a higher purpose.  It's interesting for me to note that I am more comfortable entertaining the notion that I may be cursed than I am the notion that I may be chosen. It's probably because 'being chosen' smacks of grandiosity that is itself associated with bi-polar syndrome. Feeling cursed may reek of paranoia but feeling chosen stinks of delusion.

As I was musing on all of this, I came to the conclusion that, cursed or chosen, both belonged with a drama queen mentality I have little time for.  I recognise in those very ideas the dreaded pendulum of bi-polar thinking/feeling, from one extreme to the other and back again, and I am mildly amused by it. It's great to be able to play with these thoughts without them having any real purchase on my thinking.

The thought I find most helpful is this one: I have choices. Even when my energy is low and my options feel very limited, I can choose again.

I have always thought that the Options section of the TGROW coaching model was the most powerful - I used to refer to it as 'Lala Land', the place of all possibilities. I am learning that Lala Land needs not be vast to be powerful - it can be 'bijou' like and still yield its treasures.

There is another thing I love about Lala Land: Drama Queens don't survive in it for very long....

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.