My latest experiment as a detached observer is over. I am back on my antipsychotic Aripiprazole (Abilify) This is what happened:
After I stopped the medication to find out whether it was having any effect, I soon found myself engulfed in a wave of agitation. This is what agitation looks like for me:
I don't need to tell you that agitation is HELL. Pure and simple.
After 48 hours of this (day AND night), I decided to go back on a half-dose of Aripiprazole. It has taken me a few days to settle down again but I did feel an immediate improvement. I started to sleep again and the insects went to sleep too. Bliss.
As a result, it looks like I have had to choose the lesser of two evils: slight nausea and constant headache versus sheer hell.
In truth, it is difficult to tell whether what I experienced was a withdrawal episode or a true reflection of what the anti-psychotic is doing for me but I do know this:
As I write, I am feeling slow but comfortable.
After the agitation episode, forget the slow bit: comfort is king!
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It is now ten years later (January 2024) and this is the situation I am in regarding my medication.
After I took a turn for the worse and was I hospitalised, my psychiatrist and I had to come to the conclusion that NO MEDICATION was going to eradicate the severe depression I had been living with for many years. The only treatment that gives me relief from my depression is Electro-Convulsive Therapy (ECT) which I now have as Maintenance ECT every four weeks.
Having said that my medication to which I refer as "my little cocktail" does an excellent job of controling and managing the terrible hypomania I also lived with for many years. I sleep at night which is a joy and I am relatively stable. As a result I am very protective of my little cocktail and I resist any attempt by my psychiatrist to alter it any way.
For the record, shown below is the ist of medications I have tried over the years in different dosages and at different times during the day - some of them with ghastly side effects. The ones marked with an asterisk are my little cocktail, i.e. the medications I am on now. At night I take 500mg Carbamazepine (mood stabiliser) + 45mg Mirtazapine (antidepressant) + 15mg Aripiprazole (antipsychotic), and at lunchtime I take another 300mg Carbamazepine [so 800mg daily].. For some reason that is not fully understood by anyone, this combination works well for me in helping me cope with at least one half of my bipolar disorder and I am grateful for it. [By the way my experience with medications is in no way unusual for many Bi-Polar Landers].