Red & Green or Blue?....

There was a time when I used to get all excited about Christmas. Just in case you don't believe me, have a look at the picture below.

I look at that picture and I think "is that really me?!" Nowadays, I seem to have lost my Christmas zest. I used to think it was because of the depression (which of course had something to do with it) but I now know there is something else at play here. Something beyond my being clinically depressed.

My feelings of indifference and detachment towards Christmas, as most people understand it, came to the fore yesterday as hubby and I went to the Merry Hill shopping centre. We fancied a little drive out and we had never been there. Merry Hill is like any other massive out of town Retail Park.

Christmas music was blaring out, decorations were flashing, Santas (looking far too young for the job) stood everywhere and.... ten minutes after walking in, we felt like walking out. It wasn't just me being a miserable old fart - hubby wanted out too. He said the whole enterprise looked like Chav Central, which it did!

When the economic climate was 'good', Christmas felt to me like commercial vulgarity on speed. Now that the economy is 'bad', it feels like commercial vulgarity on downers. It's not the economic ups or downs that particularly affect me (I have enough of my own - thank you!): it's the commercial vulgarity of it all. Instead of making me feel cheery, it makes me feel sad. Note that I didn't say 'depressed' - I said 'sad'.

It sounds dreadful but I cannot wait for the Christmas period to be over. I cannot wait for all that gaudy masquerade to end. I know I would feel differently if the children were with us because they would make Christmas. In their absence, hubby and I are not feeling much like decorating anything.

Don't feel sorry for us: we are very lucky. For us both, it is Christmas every day. We love each other, we laugh together, we support each other and we enjoy each other's company. We haven't much spare cash but we give each other little presents all year round: my cooking and baking treats - his invaluable technical prowess. He eats thanks to me and I blog thanks to him :0)

Lately, I have also noticed that the only decorations I like are those little blue lights. Something about them feels right. They seem to send a different message from the traditional red and green ones. At first, I thought it was because the colour blue was a better reflection of my own sadness but I have noticed that I smile when I look at them.

I wonder, could it be because blue is the chakra of the mind, the one just below the indigo chakra of the spirit? That would make sense because to me Christmas is not about presents or cards but about birth. It's that time of the year when I feel like 'birthing' something new, someone new. For me, it is a deeply spiritual time when the Christ Child in all of us, whatever our beliefs religious or otherwise, is calling for us to Love.

Could be a Blue Christmas isn't such a bad thing after all :0)

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