Riding Low

I have felt good today! I have practiced my 'sliding down towards my goal' technique whilst 'focusing my attention on my soul' rather than on my ego and I must say that I am feeling much better as a result. 

The first thing I noticed was the change in the tension I unintentionally carry in my shoulders. As I thought of my goal and then thought of my sliding towards it, the top half of my body relaxed and my shoulders dropped. This felt so good that I repeated the process a few times. Every time, something felt released inside and I breathed differently too.

Interestingly, the day worked out in such a way that I ended up taking a few steps towards my goal, with the invaluable help of my Techno Hubby. I am thrilled to bits with what he has achieved for me today.

What interest me in this little experiment of mine are the very different energies between the highs of bi-polar and this 'relaxed focus' way of operating. I have reached goals in the past but, more often than not, it has been at a great cost to myself in the long run. Bi-polar highs used to make me feel like Super Woman running on rocket fuel. There was nothing I could not do and nothing I could not be. As a coach I encourage a 'can do' attitude in myself (and others) but bi-polar highs are different. They go beyond courage into recklessness, beyond vision into delusion, beyond sustainable energy into self-destruction. Bi-polar has conditioned me to equate Riding On with Riding High.

In some ways, I am learning to Ride Low, no longer static but moving in a way and at a pace that won't kill me in the end. It has taken me a long time to get out from under the seductive spell of bi-polar highs. Oh boy did I miss them at first. Then, they scared me so much that I was afraid to move at all, as if there was some spurious safety in my self-imposed paralysis! It's only now that I am starting to learn how to operate on 'normal' fuel - not on rocket fuel and not on an empty tank either. 

Put in a different way, a totally calm see is wonderful after a raging storm but some waves are necessary to carry me forward. I don't have to be a crazy surfer dude risking my life in thirty-foot waves but I don't want to live in a lake for the rest of my life either. I feel the need to move forward so I know I must let the sea carry me AND also participate in my own journey by riding some of the waves that come my way.

As I started out on the long road to my recovery, I did not trust myself with my own energy. I am only just starting to get a real sense of what a sustainable personal ecology looks/feels like for me.

It feels good to be Riding Low :0)

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