Gabrielle's blog

         Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

               to all my lovely subscribers!

 May your 2010 be filled with Love and Laughter

If I sit still and quiet for any length of time, straight away my head feels like it is stretching outwards like an inflating balloon. This is fascinating to me even if it is a little odd.

When I first experienced this, it was a strange feeling. Nowadays I enjoy it. I get a sense of 'super awareness', as if my senses were suddenly sharper.

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This afternoon I had a lovely experience. I was invited to a Christmas Lunch organised by Hear-Our-Voice, a Mental Health Action Group in the town where I live. The people who run Hear-Our-Voice are a friendly dedicated bunch who certainly know how to make somebody feel welcome.

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"Do YOU want to know what serious Jet Lag is like without having to fork out for expensive air travel? Easy - I do it every day."

Such was my status update on my Facebook Bi-Polar Girl page and on Twitter too. That's the great thing about all those new fandangled technologies: you can work with them FROM YOUR BED!

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I do spend a lot of my thinking time counting my blessings - I guess you could say it's become a habit. In a way, that's what bothers me...

It's good to have a positive habit and yet I cannot help but feel a sense of .... of .... automatic response, and I am not totally happy about that. It reminds me of those prayers that people recite without really thinking about what they are actually saying (even if I think about what I am saying).

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I love being able to DO things. The last two days, I have done some cleaning, some recycling, some writing, some cooking and some taking care of animals on behalf of our neighbours who are away on holiday. I am so grateful when I feel the desire and have the energy to potter about here and there.

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There are days when going around in circles actually feels like fun, and today has been one of them. When I feel terrible I am amazed at how awful I can feel but the reverse is also true: when I feel good I am amazed at how easy life suddenly seems.

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As I was speaking to a mental health WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Group last week, I asked this cheeky question: what if we - the mentally ill - were in fact the only sane people on this psycho planet? Everybody laughed and yet I could tell that my little joke may have been more than a pathetic humourous attempt on my part. 

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My brain has ben functioning well these past two days and I love it. It feels wonderful to be able to plan and executive simple tasks.

I am not talking about anything particularly fantastic - just every day 'things' such as:

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Here's an interesting thing: I am going through a depressive episode and yet I am not feeling down about it. How could that be?

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