Depression

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As midnight has now passed, it is officially my birthday. Happy Birthday to me.

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I haven't written for a LONG time. Even though I gave up playing The Shame Card many years ago, I am still deeply embarrassed by my long silence. I feel I need to tell you the truth so this is what happened:

At the beginning of last year, I was on an equal daily dose of Tegretol (Carbamazepine) and Seroquel (Quetiapine.)

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Whenever the subject of mental health medication comes up, either on the Internet of in face-to-face discussions, it seems to me there are basically two camps: those for and those against. I don't think that's good enough.

Those against medication fall into three groups:

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One of the hardest things about living in Bi-Polar Land is the need to be self-observant without becoming self-obsessed. The other hardest thing (!) is to define what you are supposed to observe in the first place. Take today for example: I feel a bit of a mess - simple as that. And yet, I don't mind too much ....

Ever since I first woke up this morning, I have felt bombarded with a series of messages from my body:

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Last week I went to visit our darling children: my son, his lovely wife and their adorable little daughter. To say I enjoyed it  is  the understatement of the year.  At the same time, I was reminded of the power of rhythm and routine in Bi-Polar Land.

We Bi-Polar Landers all know that our condition is all about rhythm - or eb and flow as we often put it. Our condition has a mind of its own. It takes us up, down and round again. We can do two things:

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Many of my beloved Bi-Polanders on my Facebook Page have had a chequered history with Quetiapine (usually sold under the brand name Seroquel). I thought it would be useful if I shared my own story with it so here goes:

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I am feeling a bit better.  It looks like I have survived one of my most difficult and regular cycles: my yearly one. January and February are NOT good months for me.  I have tried EVERYTHING you can think of (SAD Light, vitamins, etc, etc) and nothing seems to make one iota of difference.

The most effective way I have found of dealing with my yearly onslaught is to give in to it. This is NOT easy.

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Living in Bi-Polar Land is challenging. I know that. Yet, my condition never ceases to surprise me (that's the positive way of putting it) or to wrong-foot me (that's the less positive way of putting it). Just when I think I have finally arrived at some sort of stability something happens to throw everything out of whack again.

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Some of my personal friends and indeed many of my beloved Bi-Polanders in my Facebook Community complain of not being able to feel. Caused my medication this non-feelingness is a source of heartfelt distress to them. I have no problem feeling for them and their situation. In fact I have a problem NOT feeling.

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If ONE more person tells me that I should feel better soon because the sun is shining I WILL scream! Yet, when I stop to think about it, it's no wonder we hear this so often.  It's also no wonder we hear so many different pieces of advice which seem to contradict each other and/or rub us the wrong way.  This is my attempt at bringing a bit of clarity into the general confusion..

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