Depression

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I think I spoke too soon. There I was wondering whether I would soon need to decrease my medication and the old depression decided to kick in BIG time, just to remind me of what I would be like without the tablets.

Over the last two days, I have started to feel locked behind bars again, a prisoner of my bi-polar disorder.

I know only too well that my illness is two things:

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I have discovered this during my long illness: I like my own company. I like being with me. I am OK to be with. 

This may seem obvious to some - overstated to others - but to me it is still a source of joyous surprise.

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I have reached an interesting point in my recovery. I say 'interesting' but I am not being totally honest: I should really say 'scary'. It is scary because I have been there before AND because I have never been there before.

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I am very proud to start 2010 with a post by a guest writer, Susan White. Susan's contact details can be found in the by-line at the bottom of her article. Please do visit her link so that you can get a feel for what Susan usually writes about.

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If I sit still and quiet for any length of time, straight away my head feels like it is stretching outwards like an inflating balloon. This is fascinating to me even if it is a little odd.

When I first experienced this, it was a strange feeling. Nowadays I enjoy it. I get a sense of 'super awareness', as if my senses were suddenly sharper.

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This afternoon I had a lovely experience. I was invited to a Christmas Lunch organised by Hear-Our-Voice, a Mental Health Action Group in the town where I live. The people who run Hear-Our-Voice are a friendly dedicated bunch who certainly know how to make somebody feel welcome.

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"Do YOU want to know what serious Jet Lag is like without having to fork out for expensive air travel? Easy - I do it every day."

Such was my status update on my Facebook Bi-Polar Girl page and on Twitter too. That's the great thing about all those new fandangled technologies: you can work with them FROM YOUR BED!

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I love being able to DO things. The last two days, I have done some cleaning, some recycling, some writing, some cooking and some taking care of animals on behalf of our neighbours who are away on holiday. I am so grateful when I feel the desire and have the energy to potter about here and there.

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There are days when going around in circles actually feels like fun, and today has been one of them. When I feel terrible I am amazed at how awful I can feel but the reverse is also true: when I feel good I am amazed at how easy life suddenly seems.

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