Energy

I had my maintenance ECT last week and I must say that my energy has remained low. On the Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being suicidal and 10 being very well (without veering into mania) I am operating at about 4. It's not disastrous but it's not particularly good either because all I want to do is sleep...

This is where the concept of 'maintenance' comes in - i.e. what do I mean by maintenance?

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Happy and grateful Bi-Polar girl celebrating her 73rd birthday

It is now January 2024 and I have just celebrated my 73rd birthday. In many ways this is depressing and I have to make a conscious effort not to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for myself.

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Things aren't improving much and I am finding it hard.

I can't do anything and because I can't do anything I don't know what to do with myself.

Bi-Polar Land is the only place I know where someone can sleep for eighteen hours straight and wake up just as exhausted as before going to bed. It drives people who go trough it crazy and I am no exception. It is driving me round the bend.

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After a day of Amazing Grace, today was a day of Slipped Back down the Hole.  Fortunately the hole wasn't a Black Hole so, although my energy was low, I didn't feel like my very marrow was being sucked out by some hungry dog.  You have to be grateful for small mercies ....

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It doesn't matter how many times I experience this process it amazes me, stuns me, baffles me, astonishes me and puzzles me. if I weren't limited by my vocabulary I could go on and on.

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When I feel as awful as I do at the moment, there is one thing I tolerate with great difficulty: my inability to have a shower. I hate this! My whole body feels like it is in revolt and it does get revolting after a couple of days...

Having a shower is one of the simple pleasures I usually enjoy (to the point where I often have two showers a day) but at the moment wild horses would not drag me to wash myself:

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Some of my personal friends and indeed many of my beloved Bi-Polanders in my Facebook Community complain of not being able to feel. Caused my medication this non-feelingness is a source of heartfelt distress to them. I have no problem feeling for them and their situation. In fact I have a problem NOT feeling.

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Facebook is a wonderful thing: postings go from the ridiculous to the sublime and back again. Who would have thought that this kind of internet social network could contribute to our development as a human being, as well of course as providing us with a few good laughs...

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I have just had my hair cut. I could not stand it any longer. The beautiful stylish (expensive) haircut and colour my mother bought me while I was in France had outgrown its shape. It had started to look like an invasion of the hairy snatchers: hair in my eyes, hair sticking up over my ears, and - my least favourite of all - hair sticking up in my neck.

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For some reason, I felt attracted to re-read 'Ask and It Is Given' by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Those of you who are familiar with these authors' work on The Law of Attraction will recognise the irony in my statement :0)

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