Recovery

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I have felt good today! I have practiced my 'sliding down towards my goal' technique whilst 'focusing my attention on my soul' rather than on my ego and I must say that I am feeling much better as a result. 

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I am not very energetic today. It's a lovely day and I have managed to get washed, dressed, coifed and made-up in time for a working pub lunch with my Techno Hubby but that's about it. I am struggling to keep my eyes open and it is not even 6.00pm yet! 

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There was a time when I used to get all excited about Christmas. Just in case you don't believe me, have a look at the picture below.

I look at that picture and I think "is that really me?!" Nowadays, I seem to have lost my Christmas zest. I used to think it was because of the depression (which of course had something to do with it) but I now know there is something else at play here. Something beyond my being clinically depressed.

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As my hubby was sitting next to me, driving along in the wintry sunshine, I had a light-bulb moment. Just like that. Out of the blue. It suddenly occurred to me that my bi-polar disorder was a powerful physical metaphor for my 'Emotional Swing-o-Metre'.

I have spoken many times of the monster that lived inside my father and that could switch him from a warm loving daddy into a dangerous violent one. This was how I used to experience my father's own bi-polar disorder as a child.

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After a few days of being dozed off my feet, I have resumed my office-clearing extravaganza. As a result of all that sorting out, two things have happened:

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I have just had my hair cut. I could not stand it any longer. The beautiful stylish (expensive) haircut and colour my mother bought me while I was in France had outgrown its shape. It had started to look like an invasion of the hairy snatchers: hair in my eyes, hair sticking up over my ears, and - my least favourite of all - hair sticking up in my neck.

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It was bound to happen: after my few days of cleaning and clearing, I am in serious dozing mode. This is the bottom of my little bi-polar wave. Up and down, up and down. Today is definitely down.

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Having returned from France where I helped my parents with their move from a large house into a small flat (with a few little exhausted crashes on my part along the way), I suddenly felt the need to start a new page in my life, my recovery, and therefore my blog - hence this new 'green' look. I felt it was both appropriate and symbolic of my turning a new leaf (pun definitey intended :0)  So, here it is (thanks to my hubby, as always) - I hope you like it as much as I do.

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