Self Awareness

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"Do YOU want to know what serious Jet Lag is like without having to fork out for expensive air travel? Easy - I do it every day."

Such was my status update on my Facebook Bi-Polar Girl page and on Twitter too. That's the great thing about all those new fandangled technologies: you can work with them FROM YOUR BED!

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As I was speaking to a mental health WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Group last week, I asked this cheeky question: what if we - the mentally ill - were in fact the only sane people on this psycho planet? Everybody laughed and yet I could tell that my little joke may have been more than a pathetic humourous attempt on my part. 

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My brain has ben functioning well these past two days and I love it. It feels wonderful to be able to plan and executive simple tasks.

I am not talking about anything particularly fantastic - just every day 'things' such as:

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Here's an interesting thing: I am going through a depressive episode and yet I am not feeling down about it. How could that be?

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I have been living under my own weather system these past few weeks. The weather outside is pretty irrelevant. If anything, I prefer 'bad' weather because it is easier for me to feel ghastly when there is little else I could do but stay indoors. I find warm sunny days really hard to handle when my internal weather is on the dark rainy side.  This is counter-intuitive:  most people expect me to feel better when the sun is shining.

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I don't watch soaps but my friend Lynette alerted me to one of the story lines in East Enders: one of the characters was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder (BPD). My God! Could it be that BPD was  becoming a 'cool' illness to have?!? My hubby downloaded the relevant episodes from BBCiPlayer and I settled down to watch them with some trepidation.....

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I am feeling royally fed up today. I wish I could have a good cry but I don't even have the energy to produce tears...   I am just an old lump of misery. Good old pain signals are having a field day and I hurt all over.

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It never ceases to amaze me how some thoughts will NOT leave me alone until I have put them down on paper, electronically or otherwise. It's as if they were yelling to be let out of my brain. Eventually, I must give in if I don't want to go completely around the bend...  Talk of being crazy.

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