Self Awareness

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Oh Boy! It's one of THOSE days....

I amaze myself. I drive myself up the wall, I frustrate myself, and I occasionally despair of myself, but I do amaze myself. How can my energy fluctuate from near total collapse to near blow-up with such ease and such regularity? I can't quite believe it and it is happening to me so what others would make of it, I don't know.

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I am feeling frustrated with myself. I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I don't seem to be doing anything. Life feels aimless and pointless. I find these feelings difficult to bear. I find myself difficult to put up with. In truth, I get on my own nerves.....

So, where do I go from here and what do I do now? I have no idea and it drives me crazy!

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If ever there was a financial metaphor for Bi-Polarism, it is the current economic crisis. Not only that but, pleasingly enough for me, the financial world has now proved that it is as crazy as I am. 

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For years, when people spoke of depression or moods, I felt like they were speaking a totally different language from mine.

For them, feeling depressed was feeling:

  • Blah or blue
  • Unenthusiastic
  • Apathetic
  • Disinterested
  • Discouraged

Fo me, feeling depressed was feeling:

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People who know me well will tell you that I am not a girlie person - I never was. In this sense, I suppose many would say I am 'atypical'.  I don't eat chocolate and I would rather shove needles in my eyes than watch Sex and the City. I have only one girlie trait: I love shoes...

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I have felt rather 'blue' lately. As a result, I have felt frustrated with myself. After all, the beginning of a new year is supposed to be a time of setting new goals and of eager anticipation. I have not been feeling like setting goals and I have lost my sense of anticipation. I haven't even felt like writing - hence my long silence.

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A few months ago, my friend and neighbour, the lovely S,  gave me a little pink fridge magnet which says 'Eat cake - it's good for you'. It's a great little thing; the problem is that I have been following its advice a bit too enthusiastically....

I have been baking AND eating cakes. It would be OK if I just baked them but, once out of the oven, that cake smell is irresistible.

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